The first injection
An acquaintance in the fitness community gave me my first injection. I didn't dare do it myself. My knowledge of steroids was very limited, as regards which drug to choose as well as the strength, effectiveness and side-effects. So I trusted blindly the information I got from the guy who sold me the stuff. I bought more ampules of anabolic steroids and injected myself, despite not having been taught how to. The anabolic steroids helped me gain bigger and harder muscles, less fat and visible veins. I went from being introverted and reserved to outgoing and sociable. My painful feelings of shame faded away. I was no longer anxious and insecure, but unafraid and self-assured. My low energy levels and lack of drive disappeared and were replaced by tremendous vigour and very high energy levels. When I'd starved myself before, I'd experienced little or no joy from sexual intercourse. Now, on steroids, I gained a strong sex drive, and felt horny more or less all the time.
Life revolved exclusively around body, food and training 24 hours a day. I became highly self-obsessed, had a shorter fuse, and cared little about other people. My use of doping escalated over a six-month period, and I tried other drugs too, to achieve an even greater anabolic effect. From then on, I used steroids continually, without a break. I sought no-one's advice. My body became my own laboratory.
I had developed body dysmorphia and no longer knew what a good-looking body was. I should have experienced a terrible comedown, but the enormous feeling of well-being I had and the fake self-confidence made me no longer care about the growing masculinisation of my body, such as the deepened voice, greasy skin, greasy hair and clitoral hypertrophy. My days consisted of body-building, anabolic steroids, quite a lot of sex, drug-taking parties and sleep. I felt immortal and invincible. Life had never been better.