Secret closets
In their introduction, Fjær and Skundberg-Kletthagen write that from a social history perspective, mental health issues have been associated with prejudice and stigma. For the families, this has often made them hesitant about opening up about their own situation' (1) . Stigma and prejudice give rise to shame, and shame is one of the most painful emotional conditions in human experience. They are hounded into secret closets where silence reigns, and suffering is never shared or processed.
Stigma and prejudice give rise to shame. They are hounded into secret closets where silence reigns, and suffering is never shared or processed.
In this context I am particularly referring to how parents, especially mothers, used to be blamed, in superficial and shallow ways, for serious mental disorders (2) . Or the person who is unwell has been seen as a symptom of harmful family dynamics, without this being based on any in-depth knowledge of the family. The necessary humility has been missing. Consequently, those who are blamed become rather defenceless. To me, this type of causation is the very heaviest burden that any parent can carry. Such explanations become an existential shock that may well sap the family of the energy they need to be their children's main supporters. Admittedly, attitudes have changed over the years in this respect, but parents still talk about being regarded with suspicion, often based on the narrowest of insights into the family's history (3) . It is worth remembering that healthcare personnel will often be witnessing crisis behaviours: the way that people present when at the end of their tether. Or they may meet parents who are completely worn out.
Illustration: Weeping Woman (1883), Vincent van Gogh (1853 - 90). In public ownership, via Art Institute of Chicago
I have met relatives who felt that everything they used to believe about themselves as parents or family members was falling apart. They used to think that they were good enough parents and that their family history included many positives. I have been told several times that parents have moved their family albums out of sight, into the basement, or that they cannot bear to look through them. It is as if darkness increasingly pushes away the positives, thereby turning into a chronic, never-ending inner grief.
No wonder that parents isolate themselves. What they need, is to be met with a respectful, open gaze by healthcare professionals who recognise their own competence and adopt a non-judgemental attitude in their encounters with unique human beings, each with their unique family (4, p. 177) .